My friends and I have a term--anticipointment
--to refer to our predilection for expecting the worst, and almost always preparing for it. It also means to hesitate to rejoice when something finally goes right, for fear of "jinxing" things. It's a sort of doom-default when it comes to any sort of expectations, and it's a dark worldview.
This doesn't appear out of nowhere--it's a concept that one must learn or assemble within one's own psyche based upon experience, much of it negative. I've found a lot of my gay friends who grew up in the vise of Religious Fundamentalism are sometimes predisposed to anticipointment, possibly a sort of fallout from the radiation of religious-homophobic shame, maybe also due to the dark-futurism of predicted Apocalypses that don't seem to hold keys to a Kingdom that will allow queers.
That said, I feared if I said anything hopeful about getting my old computer back, I would be punished by fate. Indeed I have. It won't start again, most likely due to the drivers for the "new" video card installed by the repairman tasked with fixing the thing (the same guy who forgot to put the DVD player in the new computer, and who installed the incompatible memory in that machine).
So once again, I am down, both in spirit and in technology. I still managed to do two photoshoots this weekend, files of photos that now hover in the ether (on CDs actually) awaiting polish.
I hope to get the new computer out of the hands of this gross incompetent next weekend, and just give up on the old machine and, with the help of my bosses, harvest the drives from it and put them in the new one, trying to save the data.
I, of course, expect more problems to come. Stay tuned.